"Jijou was perhaps my greatest disappointment in life."

As a veteran of the puppet entertainment scene, I always considered it gauche to engage in politics. My entire life I frowned upon any mention of such trivial subjects in entertainment circles. Children do not need distraction, and the business of politicking is nothing if not an unnecessary distraction. For this reason, I have always reserved my greatest distain for those who would cast aside the noblest profession for their opportunity to “pull the strings”. Until this time, I have not spoken publicly about my failed marriage with Jijou. I want to take this chance to set the record straight.

Jijou was perhaps my greatest disappointment in life. I had taken him on in the late 70’s as a possible successor to the Lambchop dynasty. I needed a young protégé to continue my legacy as Americas’ most beloved Puppet. Needless to say, I was misled. Jijou was not interested in learning the finer art of furry sidekickism.

He had his eye on two things only – access to my fan base, and a green card. Like many puppets of his generation, he wanted access to the American market and he saw me as his way to becoming a “cross-border entertainer”. So, despite being 25 years my junior, he proposed marriage. I would like to say that I saw through his façade, but he was a very charming beast, and truthfully, by that time I had fallen for his charms. We wed on April 2nd, 1973, but his green card (much like Jijou himself), came quickly and he was gone.

Baaaaastard.

Lambchop

“One of the Most Humiliating Moments of My Life…”

I’m a dog of few words. None actually… but the thought of Jijou having a platform to spew his hate makes my stomach turn. When I first heard it, I almost couldn’t eat the pile of poop I came across in the park the other day, so I just had to speak up.

I’ve known Fantouche since ’74 when I met him backstage at a Jerry Lewis telethon. He was hacking a butt with Bob Hope, another colossal douche, when he spotted me sniffing around the craft services table. “Hey boy… who wants a cannoli?” Missing the jab of his "boy" comment, I happily trotted on over, and he smacked me with a newspaper. Hope laughed. Nobody else did. It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

Finnegan - Mister Dressup

Setting the Record Straight

Jijou Fantoche would have you believe that he’s “the happiest of all puppets”. If you knew the truth. The dark, ugly truth, you would not only not vote for this creep. You’d want to rip out his stuffing and burn it on hallowed ground. He’s that bad.

Canadian Puppets for Truth has been formed to counter pro-Jijou propaganda being spewed by the Fantouche campaign, and includes puppets who have worked closely with him over the past three decades. Though we come from different backgrounds and hold differing political opinions, we all agree on one thing – Jijou Fantoche is unfit to hold the position of president of the R330 Fun Club.

We regret the need to do this. As Puppet-Canadians, we would like nothing more than to see one of our own head up the R330 Fun Club, but unless your idea of fun is a vinegar enema, than please read on.

Over the next few days, you’ll hear from some of the Puppets who have known Jijou since he started in this business. Setting the record straight today is Daniel Stripped Tiger, one of the nicest puppets you’d ever want to meet.

"It’s no secret that I have combated low self-esteem and shyness most of my life. When I first met Jijou, he treated me kindly enough, but soon I realized that the sole purpose was to win my confidence so that he could repeatedly knock me down, seemly for nothing more than his own pleasure.

Shortly after Fred died, my phone rang, and when I picked up there was this horrible laugh. I knew it was him – the falsetto laugh was a dead give away, but I also have call display, so it’s not like he’s even that smart.

He hated Fred. He’s probably the only puppet in the world that did. Jijou Fantoche is a sadist."

Daniel Stripped Tiger